Oh goodness

Henrik is walking.
Adilynn has gained attitude.
I feel like I have been hit with the reality whip...

Why is it that you don't realize how fast time actually goes by until it's too late to take it back? My kids are children now, right in front of my own eyes, every day changing and growing. I just don't understand how that happened. I know, I know. "Time Flies" but seriously; when did my daughter become the child that uses expressions that I use, picks out movies to watch, adores Barbie and can name her role in every show? She chooses her outfits and tells me the truth (however much I don't want to know it: "mommy, your hair is crazy" (<---to the hair style I'd worked on for an hour))
My son is walking and starting to talk, how? I haven't come to grips with the fact that his first birthday is in a couple weeks, but come on. Why does he have to quicker to these milestones than Adi was?? I'm not prepared to let him go and have him explore the house and learn new skills...selfish as that may be, I want him to be my cuddler, my breastfeeding to sleep, content in my arms, depends on me for everything BABY for a little (okay, a lot) longer.

If this puts it in perspective, I interviewed and toured a preschool the other day. One that I have to pay for. That's right...PAY FOR. Education has a cost, and I can no longer say that I am okay with low-income, free schools (though I was at one myself) but there is something there, something different at a private school, that can't be compared. I wouldn't feel right knowing that my daughter would do best at this Montessori school, but just didn't want to pay for it, and so I send her where it is convenient for me...I would feel like I wasn't putting her first. And if I do anything in my life, it WILL BE to sacrifice my own desires for the betterment of my children. I can give up my coffees and scones. Period.

Please God, make time slow down.