One Week

One week makes on the difference.



This time one week ago, my world was still in one piece. My life made sense. I had two beautiful children with a great man, a home and family of envy. I had everything I could think of and my greatest worries of the time were that I am a Christian and my husband is not.



Seems meaningless now. Like I shouldn't have concentrated on that when there are such bigger issues hovering on the horizon like smoke after a forest fire.



How was I supposed to know?



I want to be angry at God, say a big "F you!" and just walk away with a why me mentality but it's unlike me to be so confrontational. Even in the moment when I discovered this secret, I didn't get mad. A little sick to my stomache, a little light headed, and a lot of disbelief that I was in fact awake, but not angry.

I knew God had been preparing me for something, and I thought I had it all figured out but I had no clue the plans behind Christ's guided journey that I've been on the last few months. I see what an awesome God He is and that I have no say over His will for my life when I have surrendered it all to Him and can only accept what He says. I may fall on this journey and not understand what is supposed to happen in life from this, but I am praying for answers and that the grand scheme be revealed to me.



I did not choose to deal with this...I chose a man who has this as a part of his journey. He needs God, he needs me, he needs someone to love him despite this and to understand that an addiction is a mental state and not a personality disorder. I have to love him like Jesus loves him, and the Jesus I know would not leave him to deal by himself.