Day One

Today is day one in my new life's journey.
I have always been a mother, a daughter, a friend, and a wife. Today one of those roles has altered.

He moved his stuff, loaded it into his tiny one bedroom apartment, and said goodbye to the life we built. It was a mutual decision, I am not upset, just kind of shell shocked that it has actually happened. I shouldn't feel relief and motivation, but I do. There have been so many moments leading up to this day. Some of my previous posted elude to the knowledge that addiction and depression have created a canyon within our home, something that takes time navigate and construct a bridge over. I wanted to build that bridge, climb the steep slopes and wade the waters surely flowing through it all, this was not on his mind. I believe he saw that things were broken, and the way he could fix it was to hire a helicopter to fly him over. Not dealing with the fact that there is gorge right in the middle of everything, the a process has to happen in order to safely walk across. I feel like I started the hike, ready for anything but shortly in he turned around and left me stranded. Copping out by saying that it would take to long.

I get that healing for him will be a life change, I just thought that our children and our marriage were worth it. I know on some level, he does think that, but on another he just wants to forget. He wants to say it's no big deal and pick up his life from five years ago, before he met me.

New life. New memories.

This change has really occurred at a cliche' time in my life, as this transformation really started on the 16th of December spanning over the literal new year.

I feel lighter, free. Free of burdens that I didn't choose. Free of toxins roaming my body and soul.
Just free.